When Men and Women Lie, Part 1 – Men

Ah yes, the truth, that inconvenient or downright annoying thing. Why can’t it be the way we want it to be? Whose idea was this “the whole truth and nothing but the truth” thing, anyway? I want things the way I want them, period.

Yes, people lie for many reasons. Liars always believe their lies benefit them. First, let’s look at its definition: making untrue statements, the intent to deceive, and creating false or misleading impressions. Lying is a blunt term and it forcefully implies dishonesty. There are differing degrees of it, like: to prevaricate (confuse the issue), equivocate (using words with more than one meaning), palter (insincere promises or intentions), or just plain fib (trivial lies). We all have heard of the so called “white” lie. For the record, there are no “white” or black lies, lies are lies.

People lie to themselves in the form of self-delusions and they lie to others. People lie to get what they want, or prevent some consequence they don’t want. This is narcissism, gross self-centeredness, the ‘ends justify the means,” “wining is everything.” The cost of course is one’s self-worth and soul. Mr. Scrooge, you have justified your life with a series of lies. You are forging a long heavy chain for your soul and your happiness has been stuffed and sits atop your mantle.

Getting sex or anything to do with it is the number one reason men lie. Men also lie because the expression of feelings and needs have been made wrong and shameful for men, so they lie in an attempt to create an acceptable outcome. Men lie because they are at a loss how to get their needs met and blunder about, and lie, trying to find fulfillment.

Sometimes men lie as a defense against manipulative, controlling woman and are afraid they will be consumed by her. They make up stories upon stories. This house-of-lies comes crashing down.

Here are some of the reasons men have said they lie [With my comments in brackets]:

1. If I tell you the truth about what I want you may reject me, judge me, laugh at me, call me childish or an “animal.” A woman may use my truth, which I am sensitive about, to manipulate me. Therefore, I will tell her what I think she wants to hear, or will accept. [Men, often simply lack the wisdom or courage to know what to do in emotional situations. They have shut down their emotions and this has stifled their emotional development.]

2. To create illusions to meet the female’s expectations, giving them what he thinks she wants. The woman then feels as though she is in control and therefore feels secure, safe. [This is a house-of-cards that will come crashing down.]

3. Out of laziness because the truth takes too much effort. I don’t want to be interrogated, or judged, or blamed. [Relationships that are worth continuing are worth all the effort you can muster.]

4. To avoid confrontations at all cost, along with the “headaches” (tension, or withholding of sex) they cause. [Use your male courage to standup for your truth. If you don’t you will never trust yourself or any relationship, since you know it is based on lies.]

5. I am afraid of hurting my lover with the truth, so I lie. [You are risking dire consequences, playing Russian Rolette with your love. Love = Truth]

6. I don’t want my lover to know my true sexual desires, or “perverted” wishes. She may reject me if she knows. [Then you are in fact rejecting you. Better to be a passionate masculine animal, then a house-broken pet.]

7. My ego needs to look bigger, better, be more impressive. I’ve got the biggest ______, or the most______. [Big ego = low self-esteem. Tell the truth always.]

8. I lie to hide what I have, so women will choose me for whom I am, not what I have. I deeply resent being used and I feel worthless when I have been. [Who you are, is who you are, denying it is a self-lie. Of course, you can be discrete about your holdings, but don’t lie – sorry Donald Trump, its too late for you to be discrete.]

9. I lie to avoid verbal conflicts where I feel my verbal skills are inferior; she usually wins, but is not right. I just don’t know how to express myself. I also hate fighting with my lover. [Practice makes perfect.]

10. I am afraid to be me, or not really sure what that is, not always sure what is right, so I lie to not have to face my fear. [And forfeit your soul? Rethink this! Making honest mistakes is OK, learn from them, mistakes don’t lessen you.]

11. So as not to upset the “rental agreement.” This is the lie that the materially based relationship was formed on, the barter system. Tit for Tat. [Did I miss something here? Wasn’t love part of the picture, if not its basis? What’s love got to do with it? Everything!]

The cost for our lies is our self-esteem. When we lie, we can only see a world of lies, and deep inside we come to belief nothing and no one can be trusted, nothing, especially love, is real. These beliefs are projections of how we see ourselves. All hope, love has been sacrificed without the light of truth and honesty. Nothing is worth that sacrifice!

Self-worth is self love. Not the narcissistic self-involved kind, but a true honoring of our inner loving nature. Our world is built upon the wholeness of our being, not just our accumulations. Honor, integrity, respect for self is key. And this includes our honoring, respecting, and being in integrity with others. All are damaged when one lies. Men use the accumulation of wealth, possession, and women as status symbols, an attempt to fake self-worth. Naturally, these are material illusions, phony posturing. Gold will heat you home, which is fine, but it won’t keep you warm inside. Friendship is the basis of relationship, and all friendship must be based in honesty.

Yes, the truth can be more difficult to face, but it has been my experience that I feel much better with higher self-esteem. I am able to create a much better, more fulfilling life, and can enjoy what I have. If you can’t enjoy it, then nothing will ever satisfy you. And – without question – I do much less damage when I am honest. I call this: living in the truth. In the end, it is actually easier to be truthful.

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