When women lie, they often call them “little white lies,” and rationalize them away saying: “nobody needs to know,” “no harm is done,” “no one was hurt, therefore it is OK,” “but I had to,” or “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings with the truth,” but I did want what I wanted. For the record, there are no “white” or black lies, lies are lies. When emotions dictate actions, including blatant lying, these emotions become the justifications for many women’s actions. You will find that many of men’s reasons for lying are similar to women’s. They may of course be expressed from a more masculine viewpoint.
Women can lie by simply faking orgasm, or pretending to love someone, when it is the lifestyle they love, this is bartering for safety and security. It is a damaging lie.
Women are illusionists and the “art” of cosmetology is part of this illusion. It is the wearing of costumes with the attempt to project an image that they wish others to perceive. It is a lie to others, but many are so completely enmeshed in the “art” of lying that they will denounce me for saying this.
The number one reason women lie is to get what they want, as dictated by their emotions. Responsibility for the lies consequences are dismissed or projected onto others.
Women will lie as a defense against controlling men they are afraid of. They make up stories hope to placate and cajole these men.
Here are some of the reasons women have said they lie [With my comments in brackets]:
1. If I tell you the truth you may get hurt and I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to feel or think I’m responsible for your pain. [Eventually, lies are found out, the immediacy of your needs has won out over integrity, honor, and love.]
2. To create the illusions men want to hear. [Are you just an illusion? If you want to be honored, respected, cherished, and loved, know that all illusions come crashing down and with it your self-respect. The best Pre-nup is the truth. The best antidote for failed relationships is the truth.]
3. I don’t want to hurt a man’s heart, to be cruel, so I protect him by lying. [How can a man mature and trust women if what they are told is not the truth. As an example, if his zipper is down, tell him, don’t let him walk around with people snickering. Of course, do it as tactfully as possible.]
4. It’s easier, because the truth takes too much effort. [Laziness begets complacency, which begets disrespect and loss of connection. Relationships take work.]
5. To get out of a bad/difficult situation. [I was given as an example: a woman meets a man at a bar, she remains talking with him as long as he is buying the drinks. She decides not to see him further, but “can’t get rid of him,” instead she gives him a wrong number to make the parting easier – for her. She is using him for the drinks and company. Better to say, “look, I am not interested, but thanks for the drinks.” Tell the truth, you will respect yourself for it, he will get over it, and respect you too.]
6. I am insecure, afraid to express who I am, so I lie. [And forfeit your soul? Rethink this! Self-expression is imperative to humanness. Making mistakes along the way is OK; that’s how you learn.]
7. I lie to please. [Please who, you think you are doing the recipient a service?]
8. To boost my ego, self-confidence. [It may boost your outer expression of your ego state, but it absolutely lowers your inner self-worth. Rethink this.]
9. To avoid confrontation. [Guaranteed you will have consequences that you can’t avoid, which will now include that you can’t be trusted.]
10. I lie to avoid commitment. I lie to get a commitment. [I combined these two as they’re obvious and create a twisted world, of lies, distrust, deceit, numerous divorces, etc. Sounds like the world doesn’t it?]
11. Fear of past deeds haunting me, or soiling my reputation. [The truth always comes out. Better to tell it truthfully, then to be discovered in a lie.]
12. Fear of the unknown. [Courage knows that there is something more important than our fears. Develop your courage.]
13. I lie for fun to see what kind of drama these lies will create. It gives me a sense of power. “See what I am capable of creating.” [Wow, I acknowledge this one floored me. It’s like saying, “I pull the legs off of spiders to see what happens.” Blatantly cruel and inconsiderate. This shows a total lack of conscience. Develop it ASAP.]
14. I lie for personal gain, to look or sound better. [And when you are found out, what then? The truth shall set you free, and you will look better.]
15. I lie because “everybody is doing it.” Lying has been made more acceptable, the shows I watch portray it, politicians lie, corporate leaders lie, so why can’t I get away with it too? The Hills, Gray’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, and of course the Jerry Springer type shows all demonstrate how lying is the norm. [There is nothing in others actions worth mimicking if it lowers your self-worth. Net worth and self-worth are not connected.]
16. So as not to upset the [rental agreement.] This is the lie that materially based relationships are formed on, the barter system. Tit for Tat. [Wasn’t love supposed to be part of relationships, if not its basis? No, it is not just in fairytales. What’s love got to do with it? Everything!]
Lies simply hurt us all. They never work in the long run either. When we know we are liars, we see a world of liars, and none can be trusted. Love becomes the victim, ours and theirs. We project how we see ourselves on others. Nothing is worth that sacrifice!
Self-worth is needed to love yourself. Not narcissistic self-love, but a true honoring of our being and others. Our world is built upon how we see ourselves, which includes honoring, respecting, and being in integrity with others. All are damaged when one lies.
Yes, the truth can be more difficult to face, but by telling the truth you will feel better, fulfilled and the lies based in fear will be gone. Live in the truth. In the end, it is actually easier to be truthful.