By now everyone has awoken to the fact that we were living under the illusion of “all is right.” IT’S NOT! How can one handle one’s emotions and those of co-workers, friends, lovers, employees, employers, family and the world?
It’s actually relatively simple. No, don’t jump off a bridge. But do jump into the water. The water I speak of is the emotional water, nowadays, that’s looking more like sewage. How do you “jump into the water” without becoming dirty? Communicate, allow your feelings, share them, and let other share with you. What you will find is that – you are not alone. The feelings won’t become reality; they’re just feelings and will dissipate by sharing. Unreleased feelings build a “head of steam” like a pressure cooker that will overpower you. Feelings can be guides, or just reactions like the “fight or fright” reaction. We can choose to respond to them, or acknowledge and release them. But it is necessary that we all share and support one another. This way, while you are in the “water,” nothing will stick, or worse, build-up on you. The act of sharing, communicating your truth creates what could be described as a non-stick coating around you. In fact you just might start freeing yourself from the negativity that surrounds you. The truth will set you free.
To understand what I am saying let me first give you a quick primer on the sexes. Realize that for men admitting to and communicating about emotions is more difficult, as males are shamed by having feelings remotely resembling fear, powerlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, etc. They are taught to suck-it-up, be a man, the hero, protector, provider for their women, families and country. Otherwise, they will be wimps. In fact, as discussed in depth in my book, Men-The Gods of Love, men are only allowed two emotions. One is anger, needed to be a warrior. The other is sex, which is the substitute for all other needs not allowed in men. This is the model of machismo. Women perspective must change to include this understanding to correctly view men and not judge or resent them for being what they have been taught to be, for women.
Women, who are trained to be emotional, are taught they are not as mentally capable. “Honey, don’t trouble your pretty little self with that, I will take care of it.” This debases a woman’s ability to reason. They also see mental based men, acting in undesirable ways, so they judge reason as wrong. Reason is not wrong, nor are emotions. Both are correct and need to be balanced in both sexes.
Women can help males by allowing men to express feelings in masculine ways. Ask for permission first before discussing emotions, ALWAYS. Don’t just offer suggestions, or try and pull the expressions of emotions out of someone, without permission. It may be more difficult for a wife to get her man to talk. After all, he is trying to protect her. He is also afraid she will abandon him. So, if he stonewalls discussion, allow this, and talk with others about your feelings. Ask others to talk with him discretely. One way that often works is to make it about you and ask him for help to fix it. Then he will not feel threatened of his masculinity and may even feel valued, which he probably isn’t feeling inside, no matter how much you actually value him.
For example, read my book and say, I am confused here, would you help me understand this, could this idea I have seen be true? Let him read it and help you, and him.
Employers, you may think the emotions are no business of yours. Wrong, dead wrong! Why don’t you “buy a Monday morning car?” If someone “gets up on the wrong side of the bed,” why are they cranky? Are they good for business in this state? What about divorce, how does it affect creativity, and overall work performance? Getting the picture now? In today’s environment fear is rampant for good reason! To ignore this is BAD FOR BUSINESS. And it will shape your company and your bottom-line. You must become proficient at handling emotions, being open about what all are feeling. The ones you lay-off and the ones that retain their jobs are both deeply affected.
Recently, there was a large lay-off where the people found out upon arriving that they were laid-off and were not allowed to even say goodbye, have their co-workers do the same, and retrieve their personal possessions till the weekend. This is IN-human relations. This home improvement company thought it was keeping their retained staff from turmoil. What the underlying message they heard was: “we don’t care a lick about any of you and will do the same to you when we decide to. But of course, we will still take ridiculous salaries and bonuses.” And you think this disloyalty won’t backfire? It already has! Even their customers resent this. Businesses have worshiped the god of gluttony. The banks and Wall Street has demonstrated this well. There is no consideration for weak feelings, only how much, by when. Politics is no different. Perhaps we all have become infected with this thinking. It is heartless, short-termed bottom-line results thinking that has led to the demise of this country. Can we save it? Certainly not by doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.
It’s time to reinvent us. Become feeling, communicative, reasoning partners. In order for the Phoenix to rise from the ashes of our egocentric greed, the old flying pig must die, that is: be reborn, created anew. I believe we all can wake up as partners to each other and build something wonderful with the power of our hearts, focused by reason.