Today, there is a growing sentiment that is anti-Valentine’s Day. One reason is the blatant commercialism, which I agree misses the point. However, most don’t understand what Valentine’s Day can and should mean. Simple, it is a time to remind us to honor others that are important to our hearts, minds, and most importantly souls. Read The Importance of Importance for more.
Many think that if you get the correct gift that fits your expectations, then all will be OK. I wish that were true, but it’s not. This leaves many that received what they wanted and expected, feeling vaguely unsettled. They just can’t quite put their finger on why, “Yes, I got the red roses I wanted, but something is not right.” Perhaps the giver will be blamed for wearing the wrong color shirt, or lack of candles. Some fault will be found. Bottom line, you didn’t do it quite right, again! And that proves to the receiver that they are not important to you. Of course, this is their issue, which shows an underlying distrust based in a lack of self-worth. And you are an inconsiderate lout, who doesn’t care for anyone but themselves! If you’re in a relationship like this, get a blow-up doll, you’ll fair better.
Now, the question is what does the other person really need that is not necessarily what they want? They need to feel important, seen, cared about, honored, and appreciated. Unfortunately, they have often created structures to weigh and measure what they receive based on their ever changing mood, wants and desires (ego-centric). How can one ever be sure they are communicating their intent? You can’t. You can however minimize the effects of ego by communicating.
First, communicate with your partner in advance about what they consider important. I made the “mistake” once of gifting hybrid yellow/orange roses. The recipient had the preconceived notion that this meant I was “unsure.” For her, only red rose would express love. Ask specific questions about what your lover’s needs, wants, and expectations are.
Second, tell them that the intent of your humble gift is to express how important they are to you. Feel it first and say it with all seriousness. This is really what they need. If you have a partner that needs diamonds to feel this, find a hooker, they’re cheaper and at least honest about what they are.
Ladies, honor your men for what they do right, let them know you see them and their efforts. Discuss at another time what doesn’t work for you, and if it is unworkable, move on.
When we accomplish a real communication about mutual importance and love, and allow this to be the basis of our relationships we move to a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. Then, you both can celebrate the true meaning of Valentine’s Day, soul connection.