What IS Going On With the Men?

We all know of the recently exposed philandering of male celebrities, politicians, sports figures, etc. Now, we have Sandra Bullock’s (mismatched bad boy) husband caught with his pants down too. Appropriately enough for a bad boy chopper builder his philandering is with a “tattoo model.” A rose by any other name… What was Bullock doing with him in the first place? Interestingly, it seems that during the last ten years, SEVENTY PERCENT of the Academy Awards Best Actresses have been cheated on, broken up with or gotten divorced from cheaters. So what is going on with the men that the women are missing? It seems women have missed the fact that men like the same thing they do, attention. That means not being an accessory for women, their arm candy, having the majority of their woman’s attention, and feeling like they are important. What woman doesn’t desire this?

Newsflash – men want and need the same thing as women. While women are working hard on their careers and the publicity needed for it, where does he, as a man, fit in? The t-shirts proclaim, “It’s all about me,” and “I’m with stupid.” Here’s a new one, “Men are fashion accessories.” Oh how witty! Yes, I know women have felt like this for eons, and that is righty changing. However, if a women thinks for a moment that she can exact revenge on her man for society’s past mistakes, without consequences, fa-gita-bout-it. Yes, I know one says that they are not intentionally doing this. Forget that too, they are. It only is coming from their unconscious shadow, that part not seen. And every man and woman has one. And there are always women looking to experience their power by stealing your man, or at least a piece of him, with not so much as an iota of concern for you. This last part is a horrify statement about the present nature of the feminine, often missed, yet a true one.

Now, as to the men, they’re emotionally like little boys needing constant reassurance, attention, adulation, respect and love. But what woman doesn’t want this too? Oh, that’s right, the men are supposed to be the rock and need nothing emotionally, except sex. If she missed this part, his needs, he will be someone else’s rock eventually. Even if she wins an Academy Award! Men have been well trained and are doing exactly what they’re trained to do, using sex to replace their needs. If a woman ignores his needs because of career, family, outside interests, etc., then she may loose him to another, or the man will withdraw inside and become sullen and or twisted. Are we not seeing this? Sex addicted men, replacing their disallowed emotional needs with sex and the attention that comes with it. Remember, when a woman gives herself to a man, he is the center of her attention. This makes him feel important, manly. Don’t minimize this. Men then become dependant (addicted) to these replacements to true emotions.

If a woman was or is too busy to give them the attention men need, and or the men feel small or diminished by your success, and someone else wants to give them adulation, well there is a good chance he will succumb, isn’t there. And women know how to make their men feel important, but may even harbor a secret desire to raise themselves by diminishing their men, or may simply be too busy to care. And of course, women have egos too.

Men need to be allowed feelings and talk about them. Then, men can find ways that are fulfilling on the long term. But society is not here yet, so I speak and write about of this with the intent of raising awareness, and women must be aware of the limitation placed on a man by society, just as there are limitations placed on women. Then maybe we all can love and be loved.

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  1. Dr. David Eigen

    No Lorna, the reason some men go after “challenges,” is because of codependency, the addictive struggle for love. Underlying this is unworthiness in the man. His programming says if I just please her (mother) in this way or that which can include rescuing her, then she will see I am worthy. When he gets her, nothing changes inside him and it will usually end in divorce. If not he will resent her inside and she will pay, one way or another. You do not want to become enmeshed in a sty like this. Stay loving and find a man that can accept your love. HOWEVER, their is one big point you have missed, being loving means loving yourself too! Creating boundaries for unacceptable treatment is absolutely necessary and part of self love. Hope this helps.

  2. LC

    As a dating single woman, the problem I see is that men don’t really like a woman that likes them. They pick the hardest to get woman b/c it’s a “challenge.” Then they wonder why she hates their guts 5 years later and all they do is fight. I always laugh b/c these guys got what they wanted: a challenge. Now it’s a challenge in divorce court, kid custody, child support, etc. If she didn’t like you when she first met you and turned down your advances/acted uninterested, chances are, she’s not gonna like you after you stop all the pursuing, calling, and flowers. She only liked you for the interest you showed her, and it was an ego thing, not love. Girls who are kindhearted, want to love and take care of a man, and are honest get run over and treated like crap. We aren’t valued for being feminine and seeing the good in a man. The more I like a guy, the less likely he is to pursue me. Just this week, a guy who’d been treated like crap by his wife for 20 years has dumped me b/c I actually like him, and he’s scared to death. He’d rather be with a woman that denies him love than with a woman that is loving towards him. I don’t know how to stop the whole crazy system we have going on in this world. I know that I need to get a whole lot meaner & learn how to not be so loving, or I will be alone forever. You could palpably see how much Sandra loved her man, and he just thought that he had her forever and that he could do whatever he wanted. She appreciated him, acknowledged him, took care of his children from other women, and he pissed all over her. This is what men do these days. It’s really sad. I’m hoping there’s some nice man out there somewhere who’d appreciate a kindhearted and beautiful woman like me.

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